The Iowa State Fair, mirroring the state, is a compact, mostly flat rectangle located a bit outside downtown Des Moines. It's roughly split in half geographically and philosophically. The northern half is where all of the festival stuff is: the midway and rides and the food and concerts. The southern half is home to what the Iowa Fair probably looked like 100 years ago: the animal competitions and shelters. For all of the talk about the Fair as an epicenter of political activity, when there are no candidates around, politics has a much smaller footprint than you might think, relegated to isolated pockets same as the wood-burning booth and the pork-chops-on-a-stick. Its popularity probably lies behind the two.
But blah blah words. Let's look at pictures.
I toured the Fair on Sunday, making a loop from the grandstand, on the map below at upper left, south, around through the animal section, then back up to Expo Hill and the Midway.
This is what was going on.
At the grandstand: Nothing. The 11,000-person venue holds stock car races when the Fair isn't going on, and it is mostly used for concerts when it is. (On Saturday night, Def Leppard performed. On Sunday: Reba McEntire.) Later this week, there will also be tractor pulls.
The Fair is a mix of old and new buildings. The former usually have simple names carved into stone above the doorways. The latter usually have easy-to-spot signs with the building's name — and sponsor. And when you enter them, you never know what you're going to get.
I walked past the machinery grounds — tractors, a little set-up for the National Guard and inflatable pools where, during a particularly warm moment on Saturday, I dunked my head — and entered the Elwell Family Food Center. What was in it? A grocery store.
Or, at least, the freezer cases of a grocery store. When I was there, they were judging the "Sunday Dinner at Mom's/Grandma's" competition and displaying the entrants for a cake competition.
Back outside, next to the somewhat-oversold "Thrill Zone," the Bud Light stage was holding its own tractor pull. For tiny little tractors.
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Todd Coulter, a competitor, explained that the vehicles weigh about four pounds and are trying to drag hundreds of pounds of weight down a polyurethane-coated plank with silicone tires. They do so successfully, for a bit.
There was a crowd watching, but that may be because there were seats available. This is a recurring theme at the Fair.
Across a small field is the Jacobson Exhibition Center. Inside that? A large dirt track where an equestrian competition was about to take place.
Heather Wuebker, a past champion and third-generation competitor, explained how it worked: She would enter the ring and demonstrate three gaits, walk, trot and lope — in both directions. She'd be judged on the appearance of herself and her horse. I wished her luck.
The horses themselves were kept in a stable across a road. A hot stable, where the thermostat took the form of layers of fans.
There, I met two horses and their owners. The first was Tucker, a Belgian that stood 18.2 hands at the shoulder -- or about 6'2". He's pictured below, with owner Paul Sparrow. They're at left; Sparrow is 5'10".
At right is Chuck Wood, with Aristocrat. (Officially, Lakeview's Living the High Life.) Aristocrat is a miniature horse standing 24 inches from the base of his mane (where Wood is pointing) to the ground. Wood is six feet tall.
A bit further on were the sheep. A line of people were waiting to weigh their lambs, which were meant to be 135 to 145 pounds, the ideal market weight. The winner of the "Biggest Ram" competition was nearby. That's Zeus, a three-year-old Hampshire who clocks in at 503 pounds. A guy who came up to marvel at Zeus and take his photo declared, "That's a cow!"
As I made my way into the swine barn, a spider dropped in front of my face. It wasn't a real spider, but it had the desired effect. I traced the fishing line to which it was attached a few booths back to Kyle Kingsbury, 9, and his brother Wyatt, 8. They were going to be at the Fair a few days, waiting for their sister's competition to be done, and were filling time by trying to scare people. (When I asked how old they were, a man who appeared to be their grandfather said, "Old enough to know better.") As you walk through the stables and holding pens, you'll see cots and sleeping bags; many exhibitors spend their time at the Fair with their animals.
In the next barn over, Mitch Harkin (no relation to the former Iowa senator) was receiving an award for demonstrating skills: showing how well he could vaccinate and care for a pig at a series of stations. He received some sort of bag. When I asked what it was for, he admitted that he didn't know.
Across the way was the Cattle Barn. Inside was a wonderfully air conditioned arena that allowed seating for a few hundred people. Coming up? An arm-wrestling competition. I really wish I'd had time to stay and watch.
The pavilion next door was in the middle of a miniature horse-jumping competition.
Connie Grubbs, from Casey, was there with her daughter. They had nine miniature horses that they kept largely for entertainment and competition. "My oldest girl is horse-crazy," Grubbs explained, "but my husband is not real crazy about the big ones."
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At this point, I was on what used to be called Church Row, thanks to the string of food stands that churches used to manage along Rock Island Avenue. It's still a string of food stands, but only a Methodist Church appeared to be managing one. If you want a something-on-a-stick or a fired something, this is where you go.
The Agriculture Building is home to the butter cow. This is the line for it:
It's a cow made of butter. Use your imagination.
Also in the agriculture building was agriculture. You could get a free hard-boiled egg on a stick, in case you've never had that delicacy before. Or you could ogle prize-winning potatoes and corn, which I did.
The Riley Stage was hosting the Bill Riley Talent Search, now in its 56th year. Bill Riley Jr., who inherited the gig from his father, introduced Ana Yam, who played Chopin to an impressive crowd — and to loud applause when finished.
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To this point, I'd only seen two things related to the not-terribly-omnipresent 2016 campaign. On a wall of tweets sponsored by MidAmerican Energy, a tweet promoting Republican candidate Ben Carson was shown, and a guy stopped to read it. Next door, some extremely loud and very bad "Up With People"-style show made some joke for which I only heard the punchline: "like Donald Trump at a women's rally."
Near the Riley Stage, I spotted two people in Carson T-shirts, probably waiting for Carson's 4 p.m. speech at the Des Moines Register-sponsored soap box nearby. Carson organizers were already staked out, encouraging people to attend.
A bit down the concourse was the now-famous corn-kernel-poll, in which people put a kernel into a jar for the candidate they support. Donald Trump has led all weekend.
Inside the "Varied Industries" pavilion (perhaps better known as the "As Seen on TV" pavilion), was an outpost for the Iowa Democratic Party, staffed by representatives from the campaigns of Jim Webb and Martin O'Malley. A few people had signed each candidate's form. It was pretty quiet.
That was about it. In total, over the weekend, I had three lemonades, some fried mac-and-cheese, five bottles of water, and a vanilla malt, which was great. I walked back to my rental car through the midway, featuring the weird "Moonraker" ride that is often at carnivals as though anyone remembers that particular Bond movie. And, of course, all of the hustles masquerading as games of chance. Last night, when I left, a winner was told that he could choose any prize he wanted, "except the Minions."
The Iowa Fair isn't about 2016 at all. Presidential politics is just part of a huge, complex, diverse array of things that are going on at any particular moment. It is in the background, almost entirely.
Just like anywhere else.
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